|
Patient: "Doctor, you've got to help me, some mornings I wake up and think I'm Donald Duck, other mornings I think I'm Mickey Mouse."
Doctor: "Hmmmmmmm, and how long have you been having these Disney spells?"
A man walks into his doctor's office and says,
"Doctor, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."
A voice from the man's stomach says, "No, you haven't."
There are two tigers in a circus eating a clown.
One turns to the other and says, 'Does this taste funny to you?!'
Some racehorses are staying in a stable.
One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 16 races, I've won 8 of them!". Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20!!". "Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says another, flicking his tail. At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89 of them!". The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
A string walks into a restaurant and the waiter says " We don't serve your kind around here, so you'll just have to leave." So the string walks out of the restaurant and sees two young ladies walking down the street and asked one to tie him in a knot and the other to kinda fluff him out a little with her comb. After thanking the ladies the string goes back in, sits down in the restaurant and asks for a burger. The waiter says " Aren't you the same string I just told to leave?"
And he replied "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Clean Pun
A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach was standing there. The cockroach immediately punched him between the eyes and scampered off.
The next evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang again. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there again. This time, it punched him, kicked him and karate chopped him beforerunning away.
The third evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there yet again. It leapt at him and stabbed him several times before running off. The gravely injured man managed to crawl to the telephone and summoned an ambulance.
He was rushed to intensive care, where they saved his life.
The next morning, the doctor was doing his rounds. He asked the man what happened, so the man explained about the 6 foot cockroach's attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing.
The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Yes, there's a nasty bug going around."
Clean Pun
Not too long ago a scientist tried to clone himself. However, his clone was very obnoxious and lewd, while the scientist was well received and respected.
Finally fed up with his experiment gone wrong, he threw his clone off the roof of the laboratory; killing the clone.
He was arrested by the local police for... making an obscene clone fall.
|
|
