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See also Fear
See also Fear of God
See also Heaven
See also Second Coming
See also Sin
Jim Elliot
"When it comes time to die, make sure that all you have to do is die."
D.L.Moody
"Next to the wonder of seeing my Saviour will be, I think, the wonder that I made so little use of the power of prayer."
William McDonnald
"A wordly man is one who's plans all stop at the grave."
Ref - UCB Radio
Minister called to hospital, church was very legalistic and people lacked assurance - met doctor, lady played organ for 30 years just died in anguish doctor said
"Pastor, for goodness sake teach you people how to die."
Spike Miligan placed this add in a local news paper
"Spike Miligan wishes to meet Rich widow, with Big house, intention Murder."
he received 60 inquiries.
A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife. She rushed in and said, "What is it, honey?" He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. So she ran and got it, prepared to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort. He snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting right and left. The wife was curious and asked him, "What are you doing, honey?" He simply replied, "I'm looking for loopholes!" He didn't find any.
Undertakers Pun
Undertakers Mal and Mel were storing embalming fluid.
It was considered appropriate to place it in an area out of sight.
Mel had his share stored promptly but there was still a good portion left for Mal to take care of, who incidentally was currently busy with other things.
When Mel was asked why he had not just stored it all, Mel said, . . .
"The rest is....... FOR MAL TO HIDE."
Texan Business Man
"He who dies with the most toys, Wins!"
"Here lies Jane Smith, wife of Thomas Smith, marble cutter. This monument was erected by her husband as a tribute to her memory and a specimen of his work. Monuments of the same style 350 dollars." from Springdale, Ohio
Benjamin Franklin (1979)
"Nothing is certain but death and taxes."
Famous Graves
If you think you are important, just remember that a lot of famous men of a century ago have weeds growing over their graves today.
Woodrow Kroll
"A widow sent up an a lengthy obituary for her late husband to be printed in the local paper. When she found out she would have to pay per word, she rang the editor up and suggested it was changed to 'Sam Brown has Died', but she was informed that it must be a minimum of seven words. So she changed it to, 'Sam Brown has Died, Ford Escort for Sale! All enquiries on 2343233'"
Anon
"Do you know what makes man the most suffering of all creatures? It is that he has one foot in the finite and the other in the infinite, and that he is torn between two worlds."
Clean Laugh
A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and
tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said, "I didn't mean to frighten you, I just wanted to ask you something." The Taxi driver said, "It's not your fault sir. It's my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years!"
Woodrow Kroll
"In the states a couple who were both 95 went to court for a divorce. They had been married for 75 years. When asked by the judge why they hadn't done it sooner, they replied, 'We were waiting till all the children were dead.'"
Golf Course Woes
A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained. "These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others. "The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior. After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful we're still on the right side of the grass!"
A bank in Binghamton, New York, had some flowers sent to a competitor who had recently moved into a new building. There was a mix-up at the flower shop, and the card sent with the arrangement read, "With our deepest sympathy." The florist, who was greatly embarrassed, apologised. But he was even more embarrassed when he realised that the card intended for the bank was attached to a floral arrangement sent to a funeral home in honour of a deceased person. That card read, "Congratulations on you new location!" Our Daily Bread, May 25, 1992
"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens." --Woody Allen,
Death is not extinguishing the light from the Christian; it is putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.
John Bacon, once a famous sculptor, left this inscription on his tomb in Westminster Abbey: "What I was as an artist seemed of some importance to me while I lived; but what I was as a believer in Jesus Christ is the only thing of importance to me now."
Bertrand Russell, whom some called the Apostle of Agnosticism said,
"Death is the ultimate statistic: one in one die."
Elbert Hubbard
"Do not take life too seriously. You will not get out of it alive."
Epitaph on grave stone which read
"I expected this - but not just yet."
The Kings Jester (from YL Mag. "The Fool")
Once upon a time....There was a King, who delighted in his court..and all of his subjects, but of all the people in his kingdom...he liked his court jester the best! When he was bothered by the troubles of state...the little court jester could always make him laugh! One day the king had a great idea! He had the court jester summoned to his chamber. The king was holding a little golden wand. He gave it to the little jester and said "My friend, when you find a bigger fool than yourself, you must present to him that little golden wand! And so the little court jester went looking for a bigger fool than himself. He went through all the villages asking questions of one and all. Meanwhile, back at the castle....his royal highness was taken gravely ill! The little court jester was called back to visit the dying king. The dying king said "I am going on a long journey from which I shall NEVER return! (He was speaking of his death). "Your highness" asked the court jester, "have you prepared for that journey?" "No I haven't" replied the king. "Then I must present to YOU this golden wand!" said the jester sadly. At last the jester had found a greater fool than himself.
In Valladolid, Spain, where Christopher Columbus died in 1506, stands a monument commemorating the great discoverer. Perhaps the most interesting feature of the memorial is a statue of a lion destroying one of the Latin words that had been part of Spain's motto for centuries. Before Columbus made his voyages, the Spaniards thought they had reached the outer limits of earth. Thus their motto was "Ne Plus Ultra," which means "No More Beyond." The word being torn away by the lion is "Ne" or "no," making it read "Plus Ultra." Columbus had proven that there was indeed "more beyond."
The bodies of those that made such a noise and tumult when alive, when dead, lie as quietly among the graves of their neighbours as any others. -Jonathan Edwards
The hymnwriter Fanny Crosby gave us more than 6,000 gospel songs. Although blinded by an illness at the age of 6 weeks, she never became bitter. One time a preacher sympathetically remarked, "I think it is a great pity that the Master did not give you sight when He showered so many other gifts upon you." She replied quickly, "Do you know that if at birth I had been able to make one petition, it would have been that I should be born blind?" "Why?" asked the surprised clergyman. "Because when I get to heaven, the first face that shall ever gladden my sight will be that of my Saviour!" One of Miss Crosby's hymns was so personal that for years she kept it to herself. Kenneth Osbeck, author of several books on hymnology, says its revelation to the public came about this way: "One day at the Bible conference in Northfield, Massachusetts, Miss Crosby was asked by D.L. Moody to give a personal testimony. At first she hesitated, then quietly rose and said, 'There is one hymn I have written which has never been published. I call it my soul's poem. Sometimes when I am troubled, I repeat it to myself, for it brings comfort to my heart.' She then recited while many wept, 'Someday the silver cord will break, and I no more as now shall sing; but oh, the joy when I shall wake within the palace of the King! And I shall see Him face to face, and tell the story--saved by grace!'" At the age of 95 Fanny Crosby passed into glory and saw the face of Jesus.
Martin Marty, in "Context" (November 1997), spoke of a financial planner who observed after many years of advise giving "When clients talk to me about their estates, they usually say, 'If I die,' not 'when I die.' Even 80-year-olds use the conditional."
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