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Peter Jackson
"The church is like a swimming-pool with most of the noise coming from the shallow-end."
Sign outside a church: "Come early and get a back seat"
Ref - JAC Apr 98
Jesus did not come to establish an organised religion or denomination, He came to create the opportunity for us to have a relationship with God. Churches exist to enable people who have a relationship with God to fellowship with each other, worship God together and reach out to others.
"Creation reveals God's wisdom & power. The Church reveals God's love and grace."
It was Palm Sunday and Sue's five year old son had to stay home from church, with a neighbour, because of a bad throat. When the family returned home carrying palm branches, he asked what they were for. His mother explained, "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by." "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed, "The one Sunday I don't go, Jesus shows up!"
Anon
"There is too much organising and too little agonising in the church today
Too much working before men and too little waiting before God."
12 Reasons why I have stopped going!
Several years back there was an interesting tract done in an amusing style. It gave 12 reasons why one pastor announced that he had stopped going to, of all things, sporting events--and yet it was clear, that he really was talking about something else. The reasons were listed as such:
1. Every time I went, they asked me for money.
2. The people with whom I had to sit didn't seem very friendly.
3. The seats were too hard and not at all comfortable.
4. I went to many games, but the coach and players never learned my name.
5. The referee made a decision with which I could not agree.
6. I suspected that I was sitting with some hypocrites--they came to see their friends and what others were wearing rather than to watch the game.
7. Some games went into overtime, and I was late getting home.
8. The band played some numbers that I had never heard before.
9. It seems that the games are scheduled when I want to do other things.
10. I was taken to too many games by my parents when I was growing up.
11. I recently read a book on sports and now I know more than the coach does.
12. I don't want to take my children to any games either because I want them to choose for themselves what sport they like best.
TEN LITTLE CHRISTIANS
Ten Little Christians, standing in a line, One disliked the pastor, then there were nine.
Nine little Christians stayed up very late, One slept too late on Sunday, then there were eight.
Eight little Christians on their way to Heaven, One took the low road, then there were seven.
Seven little Christians chirping like some chicks, One disliked the music, then there were six.
Six little Christians seemed very much alive, but one lost his interest then there were five.
Five little Christians pulling for heaven's shore, but one stopped to rest, then there were only four.
Four little Christians, each busy as a bee. One got her feelings hurt, then there were three.
Three little Christians knew not what to do, One joined the sporting crowd, then there were two.
Two little Christians, our rhyme is nearly done, differed with each other, then there was one.
One little Christian, can't do much 'tis true; brought his friend to Bible study-then there were two.
Two earnest Christians, each won one more, that doubled the number, then there were four.
Four sincere Christians worked early and worked late, Each won another, then there were eight.
Eight splendid Christians, if they doubled as before, In just a few short weeks, we'd have 1,024
In this little jingle, there is a lesson true. You either belong to
The Building, Or to the wrecking crew!
Advice to church goers
1. Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to get into their pews or their favourite church parking spot.
2. Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
3. It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
4. We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers.
5. When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
6. People are funny. They want the front of the bus, middle of the road, and the back of the church.
7. Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your door for years.
8. Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
9. The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: "And in conclusion."
10. If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
11. To make a long story short, don't tell it.
12. Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
13. I don't know why some people change churches. What difference does it make which one you stay home from?
14. A lot of church members are singing "Standing on the Promises" while they are just sitting on the premises.
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