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Nine year old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie - talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked. "Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
Rev. Lowell's Treasury of Humor: He Who Laughs, Lasts
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Henry VIII thought so much of Wolsey that he made him a cardigan.
The fifth commandment is: Humor thy father and mother.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day but a ball of fire at night.
When Mary heard she was to be the mother of Jesus, she went off and sang the Magna Carta.
Holy acrimony is another name for marriage.
Christians can have only one wife. This is called monotony.
The Pope lives in a vacuum.
Paraffin is next in order after seraphim.
Today, wild beasts are confined to the Theological Gardens.
The patron saint of travelers is St. Francis of the seasick.
Iran is the Bible of the Muslims.
A Republican is a sinner mentioned in the Bible.
It is sometimes difficult to hear what is being said in church because the agnostics are so terrible.
It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders, but there are some good ones nonetheless. A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.
Never underestimate the power of............termites
Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty
No news is..................................impossible
A miss is as good as a......................Mr.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning
The pen is mightier than the................pigs
An idle mind is.............................the best way to relax
Where there's smoke there's.................pollution
Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents
A penny saved is............................not much
Two's company, three's......................the Musketeers
Don't put off till tomorrow what............you put on to go to bed
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.......you have to blow your nose
Children should be seen and not.............spanked or grounded
If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries
You get out of something what you...........see pictured on the box
When the blind leadeth the blind............get out of the way
Really Important Stuff Kids Have Taught Me ...
1. It's more fun to color outside the lines.
2. If you're going draw on the wall, do it behind the couch.
3. Ask why until you understand.
4. Hang on tight.
5. Even if you've been fishing for 3 hours and haven't gotten anything except poison ivy and a sunburn, you're still better off than the worm.
6. Make up the rules as you go along.
7. It doesn't matter who started it.
8. Ask for sprinkles.
9. If the horse you're drawing looks more like a dog, make it a dog.
10. Save a place in line for your friends.
11. Sometimes you have to take the test before you've finished studying.
12. If you want a kitten, start out asking for a horse.
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